Friday 10 August 2007

Mooch Munchers..

Mooch Munchers, what the hell?? We know, we ALL know, we do, oh we know, did I say we know!?

Definition: one you systematically chews their own moustache to prevent the moustache from getting too long.

Why: Apparently a longer moustache may get in the way of eating large foods which are difficult to place in the mouth without disturbing the moustache. This may include foods such as profiteroles and some ice cream, normally the 99 bought from the ice cream van. It may also prove to be an irritation to members of the opposite sex in various questionable circumstances…

Who? Some Singh’s who are so super trendy and slick that if they were a tv character they would definitely be the Fonz from Happy Days! These guys can be spotted hanging out in various locations such as in bars and clubs with their non dastar wearing buddies, awkwardly sipping their orange juice or if they are feeling a little adventurous…. Redbull in the corner! Although they are commonly spotted hanging around outside Gurdwara’s chatting to their fellow Mooch Munchers. Although they are not thought to be found in packs, but integrated with their fellow humans.

How to spot a Mooch Muncher?

Firstly look for the super styled dastar, it will look like every fold has been carefully prepared by the hands of small angels, and they will be wearing snug manly-esque jeans and a rather tight top to extenuate the muscles which have been worked out on with the dumbbells five minutes prior to leaving home!

Secondly, the dhari (beard), you will have seen nothing like it, it will be uncut, tied up and flattened so close to the skin it will look as though it has been painted on. Every hair will be coated with the finest product (shockwaves ultra strong!) so that not a single hair protrudes from the rest of the beard, some of the hardiest may secretly carry products concealed on their person.

Thirdly, the mooch! An unshorn moustache which has a rather curious neat edge above the upper lip. If the mooch is cut with scissors it will be evident as the neat cut will be viewable to all. But by biting or chewing the ends rather then cutting, certain shabbiness is retained so to the untrained eye it looks as though the moustache has never been cut!

Seriously! Come on guys who are you trying to kid, the only idiot is you! Our guru sees everything, you didn’t keep your long beautiful hair, your manly fuzz on your back and shoulders to let yourself down by ‘chewing’ your moustache off. Its really obvious and really disappointing. Our guru didn’t forbid us to ‘cut’ our hair but to remove it. So stop doing it, its wrong and we can see it.

For those with an addiction to mooch munching try dried straw or grass as an alternative, or an old woolly jumper or something!

If you know someone who is partaking in this foolish activity point it out to them and encourage them to stop, together with your help we can stop this tomfoolery and rid our brothers of this diabolical of acts!

Remember God is watching you, we are watching you, we all know…we can see… we can see you now… we are watching… we want to see your moocha grow from today….. so stop munching!

16 comments:

Preet said...

Teeheeheehee!
Class!

Although, you did forget to elaborate on the lock jaw caused by slick hard-as-rock dharis!

Anonymous said...

Gurch, what the hell has happened to you? such passion, such conviction and damn right hilarious!

I was pee-ing myself reading this.

I look fwd to more additions to the blog ;-)

Anonymous said...

This was class. I couldn't stop laughing and I forwarded this to the main mooch munchers I know. Carry on posting.

H

Anonymous said...

(this is soooooooooooo funny mooch munchers)haha i know why they do it they eat too many monster munch pickle flavour which makes them turn into hairy monsters but not only that the pickle flavourings that get trapped in the long mooch hairs irritates the lips and causes inflammed lips and makes them look like angelina but if they have long mooch no one can see there cheap botox soooooo they munch it off

g_singh said...

thanks for the comments!!

Remember knowledge is power and power is for abusing,,, so use your power and abuse these monster munchers!!

G

Anonymous said...

omg...too funny this was...keep it up! :D

Anonymous said...

What are your thoughts on having Tatoos in sikhi?!!!

No point having Semi-Conviction!

Anonymous said...

Brillllliant Article....so much passion! LOL BUT what i find even more hipocrytical is married "amritdhari" singhs whose wives pluck/thread their eyebrows and do all other grooming....and the singhs still think they are amritdhari!!! they are just as bad a mooch munchers in our eyes!

g_singh said...

anon1, i think you are right in your comments about tattoos, its just a fake show of ones colours, kind of like wearing a baana but cant read punjabi. Or holding a nishan sahib in one hand and a bottle of bud in the other.

anon2, point well made, strictly speaking you are correct, i think its a case of the medias dictation of beauty, removing hair is removing hair after all.

i think we have to rememember nobody is perfect although with each others help we can only but try to reach perfection.

But come on!! nothing is worse then a mooch munchers! i mean, these guys are consuming their own hair - EATING HAIR! who on earth would eat their own hair!!??

Anonymous said...

The anon's make a valid point, society gives women more challenges than men - so the removal of hair (eyebrows etc) is what in Punjabi is classed as 'majboori' to fit into society at large and be accepted. We as men have no excuse at all!

So you moocha munching anonymous people don't be so quick to judge....and dnt let raw nerves be under attack!

Anyways - lets not take our focus away from the disgust of hair eating humans!!

Anonymous said...

Mooch Muching is nasty! these munchers must be coughing up hair balls!!!

thing is, i dont agree with H4rv. We grow hair as this is what god has given us, and if a woman is Amritdhari she should not remove hair....simple as. From what i understand, i wouldnt consider (note the word consider, god can only judge, but i am basing this on my understanding) a person an amridhari if their partner is a plucking plucker (this is not considering they other actions).

Mustache trimmers could also use the excuse of "majboori".....and H4rv, using this as a reason for a woman doing it is weak, and you seem to be kidding yourself.

if we were to use this weak reson of "Majboori" (to fit in with society) does this mean western sikhs should cut their hair to fit in?!?!?!

me and women have no excuse, we are equals.

bottom line, hair removal is wrong, be it for a man or a woman.

Preet said...

Aha! About time these hormone driven young hot heads caused a bit of stir on this blog!

Let the games begin!

Anonymous said...

Daas agrees with H4RV, OK we all shouldn't remove hair whether Male or Female but sometimes Daas feels people become too focused on superficial things (e.g. Bana, Eyebrows, Thickness of Kara, Number of shastaar in their Dastar, whether the dhari is tied or not etc etc), the importance should be on simran, paath, seva and overall personality. If a penji wants to pluck her eyebrows in order to keep her confidence up I see no problem with it. There's a lot of women I know who use the eyebrows excuse for not taking amrit and so they then go down the old, "I'm not Amritdhari so I might as well eat KFC and have a pint or 3".

So while I don't have the spiritual authority to say its OK to pluck away I can share my opinion and so thus feel its not the end of the world.

Angad Singh said...

Its sad but the truth is girls doing everything other than cutting the hair on the head has become a accepted norm.

for guys those who trimmed do get looked down upon but that too is slowly being accepted in some places around the world.

So are much munchers the worse of the lot ..i dont think so..the worst in the lot are those who go around telling others..oi cut yr joora ..go wax yr arms/legs etc...and these people themselves are full keshdaris...ive heard mum's tell their daughters such things

g_singh said...

Angad Singh, totally agree with you, its scary to think that our elders encourage hair removal, what will the next generation do, then the next, then the next....?

mooch muncher are no worse then the trimmis with there pin stripe dharis. but we can all see a trim singh or a mona, but not everyone is aware of one that chews their mooch, the post here highlights this rather weird practice.

thanks for your comments keep them coming.

G

Anonymous said...

I was recently at Shepherds Bush Gurdwara where the programs inside the Darbar Sahib had adverts for beauty salons that offered discounted hair dressing and hair removal. Not the right message is it?